I have been practicing an Advaita Vedanta Lineage Teaching: Ascension now for seventeen years. And, it has afforded me the framework and skills to resolve many obscurations of consciousness. The samskaras in my awareness were caused by many events primarily a very violent and distorted childhood. As I have climbed through the labyrinth of the fulcrums of awareness these mental, emotional and physical formations have healed and wholed.
In the last 3 years I have been experiencing some incredible physiological changes. In the summer of 2008 I began to experience what felt like someone actually driving a nail into the top of my skull. Depending on how many hours I spent in meditation it would feel more intense or less. Needless to say I was not able to Ascend the hours I had been dedicating to my mindfulness practice after this pain began.
Well, 24 months or so ago the first really BIG pain that started to hurt was the pain of my SKULL. At first it started to fell like a pressure baring down on the top of my skull, coming from within and on top. Then it grew into feeling like someone was drilling a hole in the top of my HEAD. And, I do mean that literally. It hurts worse some days more than others [IHWSDMTO] These days the seams/sutures in my skull really ache!!!!!!!!!! and oozzz gunk. Keeping the heat of this process manageable has been my daily sadhana. Toxic heat is not a desirable endpoint.Second worse pain is my THYMUS. O MY O MY, it is rough. Aches constantly and really hurts more intensely after I do yoga!!!! I massage/rube it lots! It feels like it has ballooned a bit above my breasts. I had a massage therapist feel it and she said it felt bigger on me than what she normally feels on most folks. It is very tender to the touch. And the glands in my neck, too.
At the beginning of this summer 2010, back in May I started to wake up with my tongue curled in my mouth. And, I thought O NO what is going on NOW??? My Acupuncturist and herbologist, Justin Pomeroy: Life Gate Center in Chicago just simply stated matter-of-factly that, "O that is Kechari Mudra." Like I knew what that was all about. Lately seems like Changes have been taking place daily; I get what I need as this process has unfolded. Most mornings I wake up with my tongue curled in my mouth, not an everyday process. It doesn't result in pain, just a bit different. Something more to get used to...
My eyes and ears go through changes daily....some days it is not a great experience to ride the elevator in my building. They pop and cause pressure when I go up and down floors. My eyes are dilated most of the time. I wear sunglasses so folks won't think I am doing street drugs! I see lots of colors... alot, getting used to the expanded spectrum. At first it was very disorienting.
Don't get me wrong, there is much gratitude in the knowing that my body is undergoing these changes. But, let me tell you this past year I have been white knuckling it at times!!!!I work to stay in flow less and less personal desire mixed in. Sometimes I HAVE to stop and do pranayama, or go for a swim to cool off. It would be great to stabilize into a daily pattern, but dealing with this pain drives me...And, some days when I read for too long my eyes will burn.... alot. To the point that I put steeped Peppermint Tea Bags on them = cooling Taoist method, Ancient Chinese Secret :)))) Peppermint is a cooling herb and my eyes so appreciate knowing that!
And then there are days, that the drip will flow and I don't feel the pain of it all. Those are nice times.... wonder why one needs to live on morphine????
Course the cold doesn't bother me so much ...the heat of this process keeps me warm. I still wear a coat, more cotton layers than anything heavy to keep the wind chill from heating me up to much....and my hands and feet feel the bitterness, but I am more hot and sweaty more and more. Hot flashes for women are naturally designed to jump start this process...and are a result of the alchemical changes in the reproductive system.
And my OVARIES are a constant giver of change....I have had some pretty painful menses in my life, but let me tell you there are days that this process tops anything I felt back then!!!! [IHWSDMTO]
If I presented to an M.D. with all these hurts and pains I am certain they would start to cut organs out of me. Which makes me wonder how many other folks may be experiencing some of these pains with that end result?????? Also, these days my adrenals ache really bad. These are the Glands on top of the kidneys in the back.
And, My breasts feel like they are lactating. They are definitely much more alive these days. [IHWSDMTO].
At the beginning of this summer 2010, back in May I started to wake up with my tongue curled in my mouth. And, I thought O NO what is going on NOW??? My Acupuncturist and herbologist, Justin Pomeroy: Life Gate Center in Chicago just simply stated matter-of-factly that, "O that is Kechari Mudra." Like I knew what that was all about. Lately seems like Changes have been taking place daily; I get what I need as this process has unfolded. Most mornings I wake up with my tongue curled in my mouth, not an everyday process. It doesn't result in pain, just a bit different. Something more to get used to...
My eyes and ears go through changes daily....some days it is not a great experience to ride the elevator in my building. They pop and cause pressure when I go up and down floors. My eyes are dilated most of the time. I wear sunglasses so folks won't think I am doing street drugs! I see lots of colors... alot, getting used to the expanded spectrum. At first it was very disorienting.
Don't get me wrong, there is much gratitude in the knowing that my body is undergoing these changes. But, let me tell you this past year I have been white knuckling it at times!!!!I work to stay in flow less and less personal desire mixed in. Sometimes I HAVE to stop and do pranayama, or go for a swim to cool off. It would be great to stabilize into a daily pattern, but dealing with this pain drives me...And, some days when I read for too long my eyes will burn.... alot. To the point that I put steeped Peppermint Tea Bags on them = cooling Taoist method, Ancient Chinese Secret :)))) Peppermint is a cooling herb and my eyes so appreciate knowing that!
And then there are days, that the drip will flow and I don't feel the pain of it all. Those are nice times.... wonder why one needs to live on morphine????
Course the cold doesn't bother me so much ...the heat of this process keeps me warm. I still wear a coat, more cotton layers than anything heavy to keep the wind chill from heating me up to much....and my hands and feet feel the bitterness, but I am more hot and sweaty more and more. Hot flashes for women are naturally designed to jump start this process...and are a result of the alchemical changes in the reproductive system.
And my OVARIES are a constant giver of change....I have had some pretty painful menses in my life, but let me tell you there are days that this process tops anything I felt back then!!!! [IHWSDMTO]
If I presented to an M.D. with all these hurts and pains I am certain they would start to cut organs out of me. Which makes me wonder how many other folks may be experiencing some of these pains with that end result?????? Also, these days my adrenals ache really bad. These are the Glands on top of the kidneys in the back.
And, My breasts feel like they are lactating. They are definitely much more alive these days. [IHWSDMTO].
Most recently the "brain burn" and "sticky eye" causes lots of gunk to seep out of my eyes, ears and nose as well.... I have been informed again by Justin Pomeroy this is due to the opening of the subtle energetic orifices and the subsequent purification of the meridians/energetic channels associated with the 10 gates in Chinese Medicine; Two eyes =2, Two ears=4, nostrils=6, mouth=7, anal and urine disposal orifices =9 and lastly the orifice/hole in the top of the skull ....BRAHMARANDHRA HOLE!
I am not vegetarian. I follow a more Taoist eating program aimed at balancing my alchemical process. I must admit I did have to give up Fried Chicken, completely. Chicken is a food that adds heat to the system and fried anything is even worse!!! Being from the South (Louisiana) it was difficult. All that soul food and love of cayenne pepper just ain't good for my soul anymore. And Fried Chicken was a Sunday Dinner Staple and one of my favorite comfort foods. I used to think if you didn't sweat when you ate dinner it wasn't good food...the hotter the better. And, now it is me that is sweating and my foods are cooling.
It is a product of the stage of awareness I have developed. I call it the morphine drip as a slang term, because it is a morphine derivative = dimethyltryptamine (DMT) and much more. Read or heard of the book Spirit Molecule? By Rick Strassman? He has a movie out these days as well...
The Sacred Drop is not necessarily the desired response of consciousness. It is caused by the overflow of the production of chemicals in my brain due to the years of my sadhana. Optimally, one needs/works to keep the chemicals circulating in the blood stream, so they can continue to drive this immortal process and offer pain relief as well. That takes yoga and other physical and breath practices/pranayama to maintain.
For me in this moment, the O Soma Drop is not a 24/7 occurrence. It happens after I do something that really activates my Bliss Response!!! I can sit and listen to a favorite Opera Aria or Clair de Lune does it for me....Beauty and Appreciation creates drip after drip. ... OR After I do a vigorous exercise routine. I have to keep working to titrate the reaction. TOOOO much causes problems. Lots of colors and seeing into realms. Working to live and work, doing my daily sadhana has been an upward climb. And, then there is the absolute BEAUTY of the BLISS that I experience...less or more as my emotions flow through....
It is not that I don't experience downward spirally emotions anymore, the survival mechanism can still kick in. It is just not optimal. Feeling the dopamine and cortisol fight or flight chemical flux causes a rough patch in my awareness and takes time to filter through my body/world. I have recently let go of caffeine. I was never a coffee drinker; my caffeine kick was Wild Cherry Pepsi. One more thing to give up. Feeling the sugar rush and caffeine edginess after a 20oz curl was just causing scatter and dulling my experience of THE ALL. And, when you have the experience of the Ideal Banana, everything dulls in comparison.
Ultimately, This Bliss Chemical production is an addictive response. And, it has been a roller-coaster ride to condition and survive this ultimate and most Sacred Addiction.
Walking ON....Sunshine,
Ashoka Ishaya.
No comments:
Post a Comment